Trust in the Lord

Yesterday I was slightly discouraged by our current economic status. With no changes in sight I have to admit I was despairing somewhat. Then I started reading my scriptures. I am currently in Psalms (before you get too impressed, you should realize that it has taken me nearly two years to get this far in the Bible) and as I started reading I realized that each Psalm I read contained the phrase "trust in the Lord." By the third Psalm, I finally recognized that the Spirit was trying to tell me something. We are doing the very best we can with the means we are given, and striving every day to find some way to improve our financial standing- but in the end it is not temporal changes that are going to make the difference, it is spiritual things that are going to save us. One Psalm relates that vast armies or legions of strong horses cannot save us, only the Lord can save us from death and famine. I was humbled. There are so many others going through far worse trials than we are, like a family in our city whose daughter is fighting an inoperable brain tumor. I sometimes envy them the opportunity to experience something that will solidify their testimonies and show them very clearly where they stand in their faith. And yet when I have a trial of my own, it hurts and it's scary and I fear. But then I read my scriptures or the Ensign or pray and I realize that faith isn't the absence of fear, but it is learning how to put the fear in the hands of the Lord and telling Him that we are willing to endure whatever experiences He has in store for us because we trust that He knows what experiences are necessary for our growth and learning. Like King Lamoni's father I strive to be willing to give up all my sins to know God. And not just my sins, but my fears, my credit score, my life- if it will bring me closer to Him and more worthy to recieve exaltation. Some days I am much more successful at it than others. At times I am paralized with fear, not knowing what the future will hold or if we will be able to care for our family. But the great goodness and mercy of God shines through in those moments and I know He is near, lifting me up and helping me to see that there is a plan, even if I don't understand it. And so I start another day and will valiantly strive to place my trust in God and allow Him to work in my life- even if it hurts.