I can't believe that our little L.L. Bean will be 8 weeks old tomorrow! What a ride it has been! She has been the best possible baby and we all love her dearly.That being said, I would be remiss to all the other mothers out there if I did not admit that these past two months have been some of the most trying of my life. I can't really explain it- especially since L. is really a GREAT baby! It's just adding one more thing on top of my life and everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING suddenly got much harder.
For example, laundry. Monday used to be my laundry day. With my handy-dandy front loading washer and dryer, I could get all the clothes washed before mid-afternoon- folded and ready for the children to put away when H. came home from school. NOW- I'm lucky if I get one load all the way through the cycle, between being interrupted with busy older children and sidetracked by a needy baby (I mean SOMEONE has to feed her- and since I'm the only one with the right equipment- that someone is me) and distracted by the million other things that need attention- it's no wonder I find myself looking for my scriptures in the refrigerator!
Throw in interrupted sleep (still not sleeping through the night- not unusual, but I can't help dreaming can I?) which I have NEVER handled well and you get a mess of a woman who falls apart at the random drop of a hat. Poor J. never knows when I'll be fine or a complete wreck. He often calls and asks tentatively how I am while he's at work. I think he worries about me. And so I caution you- if you are going to ask how I am- be prepared to hear it! My sweet friend was kind enough to inquire on Sunday how I was, and I don't think she was ready for the ambush of emotion and tears! (Sorry A.S.)
I am writing this because I think we all need to get real with each other. I could go on pretending everything is great all the time (and just so you don't send the crazy police over here- mostly things are really fine- hard but fine) but it isn't. And not owning how difficult things are devalues the experience for you and for anyone else who might be going through the same thing. That friend down the street whom you envy for having it ALL (and I do mean ALL) of it together- is likely experiencing the same thing, and if she's not now she will. And by being willing to be the first to say- "Hey this is hard!" I'm hoping it will validate the feelings and emotions of countless other women out there, which will in turn validate my own trials and experiences.
So, because you didn't ask, "Things here are good. I couldn't be happier about my children who are all doing great. L.L. Bean is a beautiful, wonderful baby, C. is hilarious- the jokester of the family who loves to make people laugh, but who has also discovered the power of the word "NO". L. is a videogame junkie but who is the sweetest boy and he loves giving hugs and kisses. H. is thriving at school and is learning so much. I on the other hand have moments where I cling to sanity by a thread. I try every day to Find Joy and I succeed more often than not. And in spite of being in the middle of one of the most trying periods of my life- I am happy- Really."
4 comments:
AMEN. Never hesitate to call me (even when I don't ask) and tell me how hard or not your day is going. I will always listen...
Love you Aim!
Sometimes I wonder why Heavenly Father thought it was OK to give me my three kids. Seriously. When the twins were born and Ethan was barely two years old, I thought I was going to lose my mind (and I'm pretty sure I did). I don't remember much of A&B's babyhood, it was just so hard and exhausting. You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated, we have all been there at one time or another. The only thing I can tell you is that it does get better, it really does. In the meantime, hang in there and know that we all love you and are rooting for you!! Love you, Amy!!
great post. I agree. and I love you. I think you're crazy, but love you anyways! haha
Amy,
I think that is the reason to blog! We all feel that way from day to day! I heard someone today say "The real life stories are better than the soap operas!" I commented back in the quick minute as I pasted that "they usually are!" I thought about that the rest of the day... the difference is that in a soap opera, we can 'act' as if the tough emotions are just an act. While in reality, the tough emotions are very real, and don't go away at the end of the alloted time. Actors can go back to life, while in reality it is still hard, in fact Harder than the soap opera which was written to be dramic and hard! Through it all, we are supposed to remember that it will be worth it, right?
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